There is a defining moment in every birth room when the mother is born. It comes long before the baby arrives earthside, and well after the discovery that she is with child. It comes just after one of many moments of futility, when she is faced with the truth of her current existence. It must come to an end. She and her child can no longer be one. She must be willing to give more than she thought she was capable of for her child to come forth.
This moment of reckoning is required to fulfil her purpose in motherhood. So she searches within, where her true nature resides, and she finds, without knowing it existed, more strength. That is when the mother is born. The inner strength that is unlocked and available to her, the moment she searches for it, will be with her as she navigates motherhood. She will birth many more miracles into the world. Some may be children, and some may be ideas and dreams, but each time she looks within, there she will find the strength of a mother.
I was a doula for over 12 years and my absolute favourite part of every birth I attended was the magic I witnessed each and every time mothers were born. No matter what method of delivery she experienced, there was always that defining moment– the birth of a mother. I wish I could describe it as a look on her face, or a shift in her body language, or any specific change in her appearance, but that does not convey what I have witnessed. The change is in her energy. Not her physical energy, the energy of her spirit. If I could bottle it up and sell it to any young woman who ever doubted herself I would call it “Essence of Faith.’ You can feel faith flow into her spirit. She has generated it from within, and now she is changed. Strength is not always finding power, in motherhood, it is often releasing it.
Over the past year, I have started to think about this moment with more and more curiosity because I speak to so many mothers pursuing their dreams who feel guilty for wanting to create more for themselves. How does guilt about pursuing her passion and creating her life even exist within the same body that literally creates life? My curiosity compelled me to question how the magic moment when we are born as mothers serves us not only through motherhood, but also through womanhood and what we want for our life?
When a mother is born, not only does she unlock an inner strength and knowing that she did not know was in her, but she can now also generate belief, unconditional love, faith, patience and a vision for infinite potential more powerful than she could have ever imagined. However, she tends to aim all that beautiful energy outward at her child without ever considering the possibility of one small act of self love.
As mothers, we need to be asking: what if I turned the mama magic inward? What would be possible for me if I started to generate the energy of unconditional love, belief and compassion for myself?
You see, when a mother is born, we so easily become conflicted and confused because when we search for the strength required to bring forth our baby, we recognize that we must be selfless– to give more than we have, for the good of our child. But, to give is not the same as to give up. Women are constantly encouraged to find self love, seek clarity, collect themselves to gain inner strength, this narrative is born from a paradigm in which all of these attributes are outside of her. A world in which motherhood is defined as selfless and prioritizing herself is met with resistance. Then, the tension of the opposites becomes too much to bear, and her guilt thrives in the inner conflict. To be a mother does not mean we have to give up what we desire for ourselves. To be a mother means we now have access to an inner strength, knowing and wisdom unlocked to ensure humanity grows. We now have the ability to generate unlimited patience, love and belief from within us. Yet we rarely access these super powers for our own dreams.
Imagine how it would feel to know without a doubt that even your failures were purposeful and your successes were testament that you are here to aim for your potential and that path is infinite. Imagine if every precarious first step you took was met with utter amazement at your capability. What would you do if every time you had a new idea you were celebrated with joy and encouragement to try it, you have so much time! For that is the energy you learned to generate when you became a mother, and it is not only meant for your children, it is meant for you – to aim for your infinite potential alongside your children.
My hope is to see more mothers recognize the potential for personal growth available through motherhood, and the thing is, it’s so very simple to do. The next time you are faced with a challenge, experience fear or doubt or just feel that something is out of alignment, ask yourself this: what would I tell my child to do?
Do that.
Tanya Malcolm is a motivation coach who teaches mompreneurs and and career driven mothers to be more intentional about how they show up in their role as a mom without losing momentum and in their business and careers. Tanya is the host of ‘Shine On Mama‘ podcast where she shares her own personal growth through mothering stories and teaches her PACT Method for Mindful Mothering. Tanya is the creator of the Mama Magic Journal, which helps moms discover that motherhood is truly their superpower.
